Grail War 5 55: This is (not) a parody
by Shogun Rouge Act 2
Summary: ONESHOT. When Emiya Shirou summons the wrong servant, things get really dicey really quickly for him. What will he do to react? What will his best ally, Tohsaka Rin, do? It's short and fun, check it out.


_Project: Descriptive_

_Welcome to my slightly humorous take on the beginning of the 5th-ish holy grail war. The main point of this project for me was to practice being very descriptive. Please tell me what you think! But then again, feel free to read just for entertainment as well. It was bloody fun writing it!_

_Also, if you like this story, please check out and review my other main stories._

_Enjoy~~_

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**CRASH**

Glass shards burst into the air and diffused the moonlight into a thousand beautiful pieces as the boy hurled into the courtyard. But beauty was the last thing that this boy, Emiya Shirou, could think about, as he desperately tried to catch his breath after escaping from that blue monster. His lungs were on fire, his heart, once pierced, beat furiously, and his entire body ached from multiple bruises. Above all though, his mind spun in a furious but fruitless cycle as it tried to make any sense of the situation. What he needed most right now was some time to calmly reflect on the situation.

**SMASH**

But that was the last thing he was getting, as the superhuman brute's knee punted into the boy's chest. The force of the blow would make any professional footballer drool with envy. Shirou himself marveled at the strength as he now faced the ceiling of his shed, surrounded by the familiar aroma of dust, dirt and seat that constantly filled the place. 0.6 seconds before, he had been staring at the moon from the courtyard. 1.4 seconds ago, he was in the hallway of the main house. 5.3 seconds ago he was reinforcing a paper roll to use as a sword. 9.9 seconds ago, he was staring at a red lance speeding towards his face in the living room. Yes, in a span of 10 seconds, he had traveled across his entire property and had avoided death three times. And if he'll need to make that four times within 0.4 seconds if he wished to survive.

_RATADATADBZZZZ_…. **BANG**

The boy flew to the very back of the shed, as the makeshift shield he had created by unrolling his paper was pulverized by a single blow from the cursed red spear. Its wielder, the muscular soldier with the blue suit, now stood in the door-frame, forming a spectacular shadow across the room from the moonlight. He face revealed a slight shock, but was mostly defined by boredom. Pointing his weapon at the boy, he now spoke in an archaic Irish accent.

"Checkmate. me boy."

For the first time in what seemed like a lifetime, silence reigned in the Emiya property. The subtle clicking of crickets filled the two men's ears as the remains of Shirou's paper shield noiselessly wafted to the floor.

"That last one caught me by surprise. boy. But I don't get it. You seem to have the basic right… but your magic is truly useless. Heh, maybe you were supposed to be the seventh. Not that it matters now though… does it?"

As the blue man spoke, Shirou powerlessly watched as the long lance that the hero held started to flicker with a deadly glow reminiscent of flames. Cold, heartless flames, devoid of any life giving heat that is. Was it really over for him? Was all the struggle in his life worthless? That couldn't be right. Dejected, he started to voice his thoughts out loud.

"You've got to be kidding me… I… my life was saved… I have promises to fulfill… I can't just die here…"

Suddenly, it seemed that courage resumed to pump through his body. Anger swelled into his eyes as he glared at the blue man in front of him again. Determination boiled through his spirit. A faint glow that had come from a corner of the shed seemed to follow his emotion as well, starting to rise and glitter independent of the moonlight.

"I'm not going to be killed here. Not to somebody like you, who kills people like it means nothing!"

Lancer was forced to spin around as the glow in the corner, unquestionably from an old sketch of a magic circle, now burst forth with magnificent energy.

**"The Seventh Servant!?"**

Tension obviously built up. Even the hero's blood was pumping fast now. All four eyes in the room now were fixed upon the brilliant shine that was only waiting to explode!

….

…

…

"Eh?"

Nothing happened. The light in the corner quickly dulled and faded as the miracle seemed to have decided to change its mind. The red headed student slumped back down in his place as he gave up all hope for savior. Lancer had now returned to the task at hand, grasping his weapon to prepa…

**SLAM!**

Suddenly the entire building rocked as the gigantic force battered the ceiling. The blue man gawked at it for half a second, before he darted out of the shed to take a look at what had happened. Even Shirou found the power to limp out to see what new arrival could maybe save his life.

There, outlined sharply against the moonlight, a powerful male sat proudly on the rooftop. Tiles and beams of the man made structure were broken in a random mess around him, but seemed to form a fitting throne on which he rested, red cloak fluttering like a cape in the night wind. He proceeded to raise his face, tanned fittingly dark like an active soldier, and cracked open a single sharp gray eye to survey his surroundings. He only chuckled quietly though when the blue enemy below entered his wide field of vision. Leaping gracefully to the ground in a single motion. As he landed though, he faced the other figure he had seen, who was hurt, and obviously imploring for help. Ruffling his shocking white hair for a second, the red hero addressed the boy as he opened his eyes to take a closer look:

"I am the servant Archer, responding to the summons. Are you my ma…"

The hero abruptly stopped as he seemed to recognize the red haired man before him.

"Are you… Emiya Shirou?"

The boy nodded vigorously, his heart filling with hope from this new source of power.

Said hope was immediately replaced by a pair of swords, materializing from nowhere, as death clouded the boy's vision. 32.0 seconds after seeing the red lance falling toward his face, Emiya Shirou's life finally met its end.

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_**END!**_

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_Written by Shogun Rouge Act 2._

_Please leave comments and reviews if you enjoyed, or not._

_After credits extra below!_

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The magic circle in front of him swirled in an energetic mist as Kotomine Kirei uttered the final words. No emotion betrayed his features though, as he awaited the arrival of the "weakest" of servants: the highly underrated Assassin. All seemed to be working well today, with the sole exception of an old wound in his right arm, which he had injured in a bad gunfight 10 years ago, starting to ache around this day. He needed to get that looked at soon. But that could wait, as the black clothing of the servant slowly revealed itself. Black boots. Black pants. Black… coat? Black hair, spikey, standing up in a familiar pattern. Emotionless black eyes…. shit.

Kirei learned a valuable lesson today: catalysts matter. A hopeless grin twitched on his face as he met the gaze of the servant: Assassin class, heroic spirit EMIYA (Kiritsugu).

Trying to call up his command spells was useless, as three 30-06 rounds of Noble phantasm bullets hit his body even before the sound waves from the words "Time Alter: Cube Accel" even entered his ears.

Soon, he joined the younger Emiya on the stairway to heaven.

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That morning, at 6 AM, Tohsaka Rin yawned and pressed her face to her knees. 5 hours had passed since she had pulled off a flawless summoning. Nobody had answered.


End file.
